Wednesday, September 21, 2005
Dubai-MMD-Sept 21, 2005
I heard a great phrase last weekend when I ‘brunched’ with a group of British ex-pat ladies. They were describing a woman they knew who had upended her life and moved to Dubai to be with an Arab she’d met in London. They referred to her boyfriend as an MMD, a term I had never heard.
Life for their friend seemed good at first, all was handed to her a silver platter, a car, villa, clothes, etc. Little by little, however, this boyfriend began to take control of her life. Giving her ‘advice’ and ‘suggestions’ about what to wear, where to go, whom to see. While her friends could easily see what was happening and tried to warn her, she insisted that ‘My Mohammed’s Different.’ (MMD). She was addicted to the lifestyle.
The story reminded me of a woman I met in Cairo. A New Yorker through and through. She even talked like Rosie O’Donnell. She had met her husband while he was living in Manhattan trying to make it as a filmmaker. After 9/11 he proposed to her and then suggested they try to make a go of it in Cairo, his home. Like many Americans, she had never left the country but was up for the adventure. Her husband was ‘so liberal’ that he didn’t mind that she was a Catholic. He was ‘so liberal’ that he had longish hair and Buddy Holly specs. She could have never predicted how he would change.
They moved to Cairo, into the apartment next door to his parents. This is standard practice for Arabs. The family unit is important and most families will live, if not in the same house, then close by. Pretty soon my friend was confronted with the uncomfortable situation of being expected to befriend her husband’s mother – who spoke no English and had a habit of coming by at all hours to sit, be served tea and silently smile at my friend.
When my friend decided one day to tell the mother-in-law that she was busy cleaning and could not invite her in, she got the verbal wrath from her husband later that night. No matter the situation, he would ‘side’ with his mother over his wife. He was no longer the man she had married.
I assumed this was largely an Egyptian thing – these Egyptian boys are so grateful and respectful of their mommies that no wife will take priority. But it seems that here, in the oil-rich Gulf, there’s large numbers of single European women who actually target Arabs, in the hopes that one day they will become some sort of sheikha, albeit with no power over their own lives. And while I am sure the Gulfie boys don’t mind the attention, I have to believe they have some skepticism about potential gold (oil) diggers.
These expats, in the eternal search for an MMD of their own, sure don't make the rest of us look very good.
Life for their friend seemed good at first, all was handed to her a silver platter, a car, villa, clothes, etc. Little by little, however, this boyfriend began to take control of her life. Giving her ‘advice’ and ‘suggestions’ about what to wear, where to go, whom to see. While her friends could easily see what was happening and tried to warn her, she insisted that ‘My Mohammed’s Different.’ (MMD). She was addicted to the lifestyle.
The story reminded me of a woman I met in Cairo. A New Yorker through and through. She even talked like Rosie O’Donnell. She had met her husband while he was living in Manhattan trying to make it as a filmmaker. After 9/11 he proposed to her and then suggested they try to make a go of it in Cairo, his home. Like many Americans, she had never left the country but was up for the adventure. Her husband was ‘so liberal’ that he didn’t mind that she was a Catholic. He was ‘so liberal’ that he had longish hair and Buddy Holly specs. She could have never predicted how he would change.
They moved to Cairo, into the apartment next door to his parents. This is standard practice for Arabs. The family unit is important and most families will live, if not in the same house, then close by. Pretty soon my friend was confronted with the uncomfortable situation of being expected to befriend her husband’s mother – who spoke no English and had a habit of coming by at all hours to sit, be served tea and silently smile at my friend.
When my friend decided one day to tell the mother-in-law that she was busy cleaning and could not invite her in, she got the verbal wrath from her husband later that night. No matter the situation, he would ‘side’ with his mother over his wife. He was no longer the man she had married.
I assumed this was largely an Egyptian thing – these Egyptian boys are so grateful and respectful of their mommies that no wife will take priority. But it seems that here, in the oil-rich Gulf, there’s large numbers of single European women who actually target Arabs, in the hopes that one day they will become some sort of sheikha, albeit with no power over their own lives. And while I am sure the Gulfie boys don’t mind the attention, I have to believe they have some skepticism about potential gold (oil) diggers.
These expats, in the eternal search for an MMD of their own, sure don't make the rest of us look very good.
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I have heard this phrase - I heard it from an English bloke just after I arrived here. However I haven't heard it since, until now. Interesting.
Well, twisted, being an Arab I am sure you have better insight. Do tell...is it true? (PS. I never said 'exclusively an Arab thang')
Well that was very rude of her not to allow the mother in law in, you do not turn back parents. Had anyone turned back my mother from the house I rented with my money which I worked for, I would be angry as well.
Gulf Arabs do not nessecarily have to live next to their parents. However the sanctity of the family unit remains the same. The good thing being that no one will be left in a retirement home.
as a gulfie, it is incredibly hard to find someone truly attracted to you, everyone wants to exploit and take advantage of you, to cash in. Friends, people you care about, etc would abandon you when the cash dries up, this is why the gulf family unit has become more powerful with the oil boom.
Exploitation is why many gulf men nowadays choose the less beautiful and less 'special' girls to marry, because usually the prettier girls will be more materialistic.
Other men choose to lie about who they are when introduced to said girl, showing themselves as poor intentionally, i knew of a sheikh that convinced a girl for 4 years (till they got engaged) that he drove a cheap corolla and worked in the police. Her "surprise" was that she would get to marry him or something.
Gulf Arabs do not nessecarily have to live next to their parents. However the sanctity of the family unit remains the same. The good thing being that no one will be left in a retirement home.
as a gulfie, it is incredibly hard to find someone truly attracted to you, everyone wants to exploit and take advantage of you, to cash in. Friends, people you care about, etc would abandon you when the cash dries up, this is why the gulf family unit has become more powerful with the oil boom.
Exploitation is why many gulf men nowadays choose the less beautiful and less 'special' girls to marry, because usually the prettier girls will be more materialistic.
Other men choose to lie about who they are when introduced to said girl, showing themselves as poor intentionally, i knew of a sheikh that convinced a girl for 4 years (till they got engaged) that he drove a cheap corolla and worked in the police. Her "surprise" was that she would get to marry him or something.
For a Muslim man, the path to heaven is largely depending on how he treats him mother during his lifetime. Not easy.
# posted by 
: 3:53 AM
: 3:53 AM
Emirati, I love that Arabs take care of their elderly parents. That is definitely an upside of the tight-knit family structure that you have here. I think in the case of my friend in Cairo, she was just fed up and even a little shy/embarassed around the mother-in-law. Plus, she had a full-time job and when she came home, all she wanted to do was curl up on the couch, not have to entertain.
Regarding the oil-gold-diggers, I do not envy you. I imagine it takes a long time to trust someone of the opposite sex. The best thing to do is lay down the law from the start. Go dutch at movies, let her pay the whole bill from time to time. That way she will know you are not just gonna open up your wallet and let her dig in.
Regarding the oil-gold-diggers, I do not envy you. I imagine it takes a long time to trust someone of the opposite sex. The best thing to do is lay down the law from the start. Go dutch at movies, let her pay the whole bill from time to time. That way she will know you are not just gonna open up your wallet and let her dig in.
Ah I did not know she had a job, in that case she should inform her mother in law that she is tired, taking a proactive approach. Anyway I hope theyve solved their problems now...
The situation in the UAE is a "Catch-22" type of situation. The culture has become quite materialistic, a man paying is taken as a sign of weakness, his 'inability to provide' signifies in essence that he is 'not a man'. Very much so a "cavemanistic" approach to things.
I disagree with the MMD approach to the marriage of an arab with a non arab, i think that especially in an arab national society as diverse as the UAE, this will all depend. More educated more liberal people will certainly be MMICD (My Mohd is Certainly Different), while the less educated more conservative will be MMD.
The situation in the UAE is a "Catch-22" type of situation. The culture has become quite materialistic, a man paying is taken as a sign of weakness, his 'inability to provide' signifies in essence that he is 'not a man'. Very much so a "cavemanistic" approach to things.
I disagree with the MMD approach to the marriage of an arab with a non arab, i think that especially in an arab national society as diverse as the UAE, this will all depend. More educated more liberal people will certainly be MMICD (My Mohd is Certainly Different), while the less educated more conservative will be MMD.
It was very interesting to see that it was assumed that Cairo woman was not paying for the house and that the man was, surely it could be possible that it is a shared property, as in she pays!! Also anyone ever thought that mother-in-laws can be a nightmare and a partner might not want to spend any time with her, and that goes for mothers aswell! Just because someone is a blood relative does not mean you must enjoy or want to spend time with them.
# posted by : 11:35 AM
: 11:35 AM
Well, the truth is, in Egypt, that 95% of the time, it is the man's money. Muslim marriage contracts specify that the husband is financially responsible for his wife, just as fathers are financially responsible for daughters until they get married. So, in this case, the assumption is quite resonable. Ditto for relatives...in this society, you are obligated to honor and spend time with families -- regardless of whether you like them!
It would be interesting to do a "dipstick survey" of expat women here, and whether they have ever been involved with an Arab, whether national or otherwise. When I moved here almost 10 years ago, if you were involved with an Arab (particularly local) it said heaps about you - and not flattering. You were either a hostie or a tramp.
I guess things are more relaxed here now. But I'll never forget the promise I made to my mother all those years ago ... "Darling, I don't want to see you with a single piece of jewellery you can't produce a receipt for!"
I guess things are more relaxed here now. But I'll never forget the promise I made to my mother all those years ago ... "Darling, I don't want to see you with a single piece of jewellery you can't produce a receipt for!"
# posted by : 2:55 AM
: 2:55 AM
I'm sorry for not posting more updates, but I don't want to become one of those bloggers who writes about what I ate for breakfast or where I found a sale on shoes. So, partly out of laziness and partly out of the idea that my blog should say something interesting, I don't post much. I do apologize.
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