Sunday, May 21, 2006

What (Arab) women want - May 06

Ever since I moved to the Middle East, Arab women have fascinated and perplexed me. As Westerners, all we seem to focus on is the hijab, niqab, shayla, abeya and burqa – all names for various ways of covering up, or being ‘modest,’ as the Quran requires. These varying forms of cover have only served as a red herring, in my opinion. It’s like worrying about a paper cut on your finger when you’re paralyzed from the waist down.

Many of my male colleagues are also fascinated by the abeya-clad local women – but for very different reasons. They say the sight of large, dark, kohl-lined eyes peering out from behind a black veil is a thousand times more seductive than Jessica Simpson’s tanned bosom clamoring for freedom from a too-tight top.

I’ve always liked to think that these women secretly harbor the same spark and vitality of independent thought that Western women have. That once they get their act together, they will unleash themselves in a fury of civil disobedience and overturn the cowardly patriarchal society that tells them they are like children who need protecting from the world, that they are to blame for men’s sexual weaknesses, that they are too fragile to travel alone, that they are not worthy of keeping their children after a divorce. I’ve read the works of Muslim feminists like Asra Nomani, Leila Ahmed and Azar Nafisi. I took comfort in believing Arab women are just biding their time, waiting for the perfect moment.

Unfortunately, my views on Arab women took a turn for the worse last week after attending a seminar called “What drives Arab women?” As you can imagine I was extremely curious and excited about the seminar which unveiled a recent survey of women in Saudi Arabia, and my host country, the UAE.

The survey drew up five categories of types of women from these two countries. Of the five types of women, only one type sees herself as equal to a man. Three of the types are happily subservient and feel – either out of love or duty – that their only role in life is to keep the family happy. It was the last type that struck me as the saddest, however.

This type suffers from extreme internal conflict. She sees the independence and freedom that expat Western women enjoy – and it makes her jealous, insecure, and spiteful even. In her frustration she wants to feel that her life is superior to those women, so she spends lavishly and shows off mightily. She drives a Mercedes (in the UAE at least where women are allowed to drive), puts diamonds on her fingers, her purse and even her cell phone. She brags openly about her riches. At home, her frustration and inability to stand up to her husband manifests into masterful manipulation. In lieu of being equal in her husband’s eyes, she “beats” him by conning him into spending more money on her. Thus, she feels some modicum of power and control. Her biggest fear in life is feeling invisible.

The Arab women in the audience were unfazed, unsurprised, and unmoved by the results of the survey. What happened to that spark?

It’s only fair to point out that of the local women I have come into contact with, most are representative of the first category – which makes sense as it is only the first category of women who hold jobs. Obviously, these women are educated and feel they can and do contribute to society in more than just one way. But can this minority group pull up the rest? If Arab women want their societies to change, I fully believe it up to them. Just like it was for the women in my country whose fight culminated in two landmark events the year I was born – the passing of the Equal Rights Amendment and Title 9, both of which helped push women’s rights in the US. If Arab women continue to allow themselves to be treated like children, like second-class citizens, perhaps it is meant to be.

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